The Second Coming

“No one else will never know the strength of my love for you”.

When I first learned that I was pregnant for the third time, I was on the lady’s room jumping my heart out as I was shouting the news with one of my girlfriends. You can imagine the happiness while I was holding the pregnancy test kit with my urines drippings… And the grin on my chubby face the excitement I was feeling that day. She too was jumping with happiness because we both been talking about it for months. She was also hoping to expect.

Little thing my friend know that I was trembling with fear. Yes! Fear. As in spelled F-E-A-R! I fear for the fetus inside me. You see, I had a miscarriage in 2016 and all the pain came rushing in like winter biting my skin (Ironically, Philippines have no winter!). I still remember the heartaches it has caused me to which I think I can never recover from. Even to these days, it’s too painful to think about it. 

All throughout my pregnancy, I was careful. Always making sure that I take my vitamins–though not religiously. I stopped smoking immediately upon learning that We are pregnant. I struggled during the first trimester. It was truly messy and I am–at all times irritable. I don’t like the smell of cigarettes. I was puking after every meal especially at the office. On top of everything–I was extra lazy! 

Of course, during the spectacle of nine long months, the idea of where to deliver my baby was decided. I and my partner went home to our province where I am to give birth. But before we got back in the province, I notice that I have a little lump in my throat wherein up to this very moment I have no idea what is it. 

I was expecting to give birth on December 3rd last year base on the ultrasound result but he came out early on November 22nd. It was a special day for me and us. It took me twenty-nine hours to labor for Tommy Ragnar. Although the experience was scary because I think it was too long for second delivery and I started getting worried about the thought of getting a c-section. 

Then came the breastfeeding debacle. Because I have inverted nipples, I had a hard time feeding my baby through my bosoms. I had to let him cry so he can really open his mouth and he can suck big time.  After a week, my first saw me crying and asked why. And darn! I told him no shy–because I felt so tired and weak already. I believed that what made me survived the week and after the weeks that came in was prayer. It helped me a lot in so many ways. I regained my strength and always look up to a new day and face the burning nipples all red and swollen.  Yes! I am brave. 

In this journey, I learned to be hopeful and patient. All wounds heal eventually. It was my first to fully breastfeed a baby and clueless about the joy (If you know what I mean!) that goes with it. You need all the support and love of family to get through it. Without them around me, I wouldn’t survive.